What Is Victoria’s Secret?

I stumbled onto the metro this morning – literally. In my hypo caffeinated state of mind I misjudged the hungry teeth of the ascending escalator, consequently stumbling inside the train right as a sexy train voice taunted, “You better get on this ride now baby, I’ll take you to places you only dream of… Doors Closing.”

Brushing off the incident, I casually look around to gauge the reaction to my morning folly. It didn’t matter, most of the passengers were zombies masquerading as commuters. But that was when I noticed the first Victoria’s Secret bag, at approximately 7:00am, sitting next to a 30-something white women.

Exiting the Metro station at approximately 7:30am, a blinking white man threw up a red hand, and I quickly found myself staring at passing vehicles, waiting for a break in traffic. The blinking white man returns and I’m off. It was then that I saw the second Victoria’s Secret bag swinging in the hands of an approaching middle aged white women.

At approximately 1:00 pm, while walking to an overpriced and unimpressive restaurant, I noticed a third Victoria‘s Secret bag swinging in the hands of a middle-aged black women. Baffled at the preponderance of Victoria’s Secret bags populating the city, I asked my co-worker the meaning behind this trend. She looked at the bag. And then she looked at the woman. She then said, “It is a nice bag.”

Huh? A NICE BAG. I thought women have this long and evolved process of shopping for a purse/bag in order to carry those things that might fit in a Victoria’s Secret bag. I personally don’t know any women that carry post-consumer recycled designer bags from nationwide lingerie chains because they are nice. This baffles me and I now find myself questioning the contents of these bags, especially when I see such bags bouncing across DC before the stores even open for business. Seriously, what do these women plan to have for lunch?

Women that can afford to buy Victoria’s Secret lingerie don’t need to pack their lunches in Victoria’s Secret bags. Penny pinchers and practical persons use cheap disposable bags. And some may even reuse these bags. But Victoria’s Secret bags? These aren’t discrete blue plastic bags from Giant. These aren’t discrete tan plastic bags from Safeway. These are flashy, [F]uck-me bags.

And so I’m left with a simple question: What is Victoria’s Secret?