Nature, You Getting Salty With Me?

Today I popped into the hardware store to pick up some salt so that old bones have a fighting chance against snow and ice. Like that time I popped into Harris Teeter, an upscale-ish grocery store, and found myself bemused by an aisle full of bourgeoisie bottled water, today I found myself bemused by the variety of salt available for purchase. My first thought was simple –

What the [F]uck?!? I’m not looking for aromatic bath salts.

M.Y. Brain

There are, of course, good reasons to learn about the different salts available for purchase, but for the annoying ice zit that routinely pops up in front of my door, I’m OK with the more pedestrian, cost effective salt varietals. As long as I prevent a trip to the doctor and six months of physical therapy, I’ll call it a successful purchase.

But all this scribbling now has me questioning certain things about salt. I mean, is throwing salt all over the place an American thing? Or do most industrialized, lawyer-saturated countries throw down salt too? What’s the future of salt tech? Will Amazon corner the salt market too? Oh no, will Trump shut down the government because he can’t build a wall of strategically placed salt depots?